Cancer Season: Why Do We Feel Bad for Feeling Bad?

in our gemini season essay on why we gossip, we unpacked the allure of spilling the tea. 

now, cancer season asks us to reflect on our inner dialogue. 

essay written by nadia cadet 

Cancer season invites us to sit with our feelings instead of running from them. One emotion that quietly follows many of us is the guilt we feel for having negative emotions in the first place.

Many of us intuitively judge ourselves when we experience emotions such as sadness, self-loathing, and anxiety. There are several theories as to why this feeling may persist. Many psychologists will agree that society and our own self-judgement plays a big role in why this feeling exists.

As we enter the season, it is important to examine the toll that our emotional neglect has on our well being. Many of us have conditioned ourselves to reject emotional sensitivity in favor of adopting a culture where emotional stoicism is praised.

We must not only analyze these feelings but allow ourselves to challenge our own perceptions of vulnerability and social conformity as it relates to how we express our emotions. A part of this analysis is learning to accept our emotions and understand the reasoning behind the guilt we feel when expressing negative feelings.

Ruled by the Moon and associated with home, memory, and the archetype of the mother, Cancer reminds us that tenderness is not a flaw. It asks us to approach ourselves with compassion instead of correction, with acceptance instead of urgency.

The Toxic Positivity Trap

Societal pressure and expectations play a huge part in the way that we perceive ourselves and our emotions. If we are pressured and socially conditioned to feel or act in certain ways, it affects how we validate our feelings.

Toxic positivity is a term that we hear often and refers to the societal pressure to constantly be happy and to repress negative emotions. It may come up in casual ways in your day to day life when someone tells you to “look on the bright side” or shames you for feeling bad about your current situation by stating that you “should be happy with what you have”. While expressing optimism is fundamental, toxic positivity is a harmful mindset to have as it invalidates feelings of sadness and reinforces unnecessary guilt.

According to a study conducted by University of California, Berkeley, the vast majority of adults experience guilt and judge themselves for their negative emotions (UC Berkley Research, 2017). The same study addresses how the pressure to suppress these emotions causes further stress and increases the likelihood of developing mood disorders.

It is crucial to our overall health and wellbeing to process our emotions and find acceptance in them. The hierarchy we intuitively follow of  “good” vs “bad” emotions as dedicated to toxic positivity only serves to do us more harm than good in the long run.

The Misconception of Emotional Sensitivity 

Emotional sensitivity is the intensity in which we feel our emotions. Feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, depression, and anxiety are all intense feelings that deserve space to be expressed. Societal pressure deeply affects how emotional sensitivity is portrayed. In a society that widely praises stoicism or happiness over more driving emotions such as rage or guilt, it is important to recognize the value of vulnerability.

If there is one thing that we can all learn from Cancer season, it is that vulnerability and emotional sensitivity should be cherished and authentically expressed rather than repressed. Rather than feeding into societal pressure and judging those or even ourselves for being “too emotional” or being “too empathetic", we should extend grace and understand the importance of expressing our emotions regardless of opposing reactions.

Needless to say this is much easier said than done. We have been conditioned by societal norms since we were children and choosing to reject and detach ourselves from society's view of us can be a humbling journey. However, the alternative to this would be to constantly put our emotions through a filter, to repress ourselves, and deny ourselves the freedom to grow in our emotional wisdom, which many would probably agree feels like a worse outcome. Emotional sensitivity should not be viewed as a weakness but rather an opportunity to grow and bravely reject toxic social conditioning.

Learning to Mother Ourselves

Cancer natives are often seen as the mothers of the zodiac and are strongly associated with nurturing and protection and unconditional care. In the midst of the trying times that a lot of us find ourselves in today’s world, it is important now more than ever to mother ourselves. 

This goes beyond just taking care of our emotional needs but also our physical and mental needs as well. For a lot of us we tend to check in on friends, neighbors, family members, everyone but ourselves. As we have examined the toll that it takes on us to neglect our needs and our true nature, we have to learn now more than ever to check in with ourselves.

This is something that I’m personally learning to do as well. Amidst the whirlwind of post-grad life, working, job interviewing, and trying to maintain my personal life there is a pressure to keep it all together especially when being praised for my resilience. The feeling of displaying my stress or expressing it can feel incredibly humbling but necessary.

If there’s one thing that this season has revealed to me is the importance of checking in with myself despite the busyness of my life. Treating ourselves with kindness instead of defaulting to criticism and self doubt is imperative to our well being. The compassion that we show others should be given to ourselves as well. Whether it be practicing self-validation, taking breaks, expressing ourselves openly, or simply giving ourselves grace when we fall short.

I Got A Lot to be Mad About 

Cancer season feels like an appropriate time to practice acceptance. There is so much that we may individually feel unsure of currently. For many of us we are unsure of our professional, personal, and romantic lives. The anxiety, stress, and negative emotions that we feel during these trying times are not only normal but are crucial to voice and express. 

According to Psychology Today, “When we take the time to feel and understand our emotions, it can often lead to a more insightful outlook on life, better relationships, and improved physical health.” (Psychology Today, 2023).  

The only thing scarier than feeling unsure is feeling alone. What we can learn from Cancers this season is the way they accept and openly embrace their emotions rather than try to fix it. Think of a Cancer native in your life and how they may show up for you, refuse to let you go through anything alone, and provide you space to feel your emotions. This emotional acceptance enriches us in ways we may not fully acknowledge.

When we stop fighting our emotions, we conserve energy that can be used for understanding, rest, and growth.

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Citations:

• David, Susan. "Overthrow the Tyranny of Positivity." Susan David, n.d.

• "Feeling Bad about Feeling Bad Can Make You Feel Worse." Research UC Berkeley, n.d.

• "Letting Bad Feelings Feel Bad May Actually Help." Psychology Today, 2022.

• Tartakovsky, Deborah R. "Feeling Okay about Feeling Bad Is Good for Your Mental Health." Harvard Health Publishing, 2017.

• "The Psychological Health Benefits of Accepting Negative Emotions and Thoughts: Laboratory, Diary, and Longitudinal Evidence." PubMed, 2017.

• "Understanding Guilt: The Useless Emotion?" The Psychologist, 2022.

• "Why It's Vital to Identify, Process, and Express Your Emotions." Psychology Today, 2023.

Artwork: The Cradle by Berthe Morisot